4 months old

Sorry it's been so long since I posted an update! I think most see pictures and little updates on Facebook but I don't post that much. The girls are doing amazing! They have continued to grow (well duh right ;), are eating about 4oz at a time. They nurse occasionally but most of the time get pumped milk in a bottle. They are doing their best to catch up to the stock pile of breast milk I managed to reserve in the deep freeze & it's getting low ;(. Luca wasn't on her oxygen very long once home, maybe a couple weeks or so. At their 4 month check up (5/7) the were: Luca ~ 11 lbs, 2oz (50-75th %), 22 1/4" (50th %) & Finley ~ 11lbs, 14oz (75-90th %), 22" (50th %). The % is based on their gestational age of 2 months not their actual age. Finley even registered on the charts for a 4 month old for weight & was in the 5th-10th %. 

They love to swing, lay on their playmats-on their back, they don't like tummy time unless it's on mine or daddy's chest. They do well in their Bumbo's but love to be held most of all. They continue to sleep in their Rock n Plays at night. They still get up every 3 hours to eat but Bryan & I take shifts so we both get a goo chunk of sleep. They started smiling like crazy within the past couple weeks & are beginning to coo. They look just like their biggest sister Ani, so precious! 

We have been getting out a lot more lately since RSV season is over & they aren't so little & susceptible to getting sick. We are getting into a routine with taking Ani to school, grocery shopping, naps & the gym (for mummy's sanity). We can tell them apart, thank goodness! Luca has a swirl in the front of her hair & Finley has some 'angel kisses' or 'stork bites' (red sports) in between her eyes.

Overall you'd never know they were premies by looking at them. We are so thankful for these beautiful little miracles & so thankful to everyone for their prayers throughout is journey and to those who showed their support whether it was bringing a meal, a friendly text, a gift (or 2) a visit or even a Facebook post. We were overwhelmed with the sweetness & generosity! 

In all honesty...

I've decided that it is finally time to reach out & ask for advice. I've been struggling with how to deal with some things & haven't reached out because I thought I could just figure it out or with time it  & prayer it would resolve itself. That is not happening so here goes...

Kids. I love my kids, love them with every fiber of my being. I also can't wait for bedtime to come so the whining will stop & the  'mom, mom, mommy, ma, MOM' will stop. Please don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for all that I have; my family, my home, etc. I am especially grateful for my children, to be able to stay home with them & raise them. But I can't help but wonder if I'm raising them right. Am I yelling too much, spending enough one on one time with them, etc. So many questions of how to do it right. Let me back up a little... While I was in the hospital I had a lot of time for self reflection.  First you hear about the terrible 2's, no wait 3 is worse, nope 4 is. What about when your 5 year old still throws herself on the floor in a fit? Pediatrician says it's still normal at her age but it's so much more frustrating. She has such a crazy vocabulary & it's hard to believe that she can't find the emotion word to verbally express how she is feeling-that's what the Pedi thinks is going on. If it's not throwing herself on the ground, it's swatting at things-walls, people, dogs...while saying 'I don't know' when asked what is wrong. At school she is awesome according to her teachers, sweet, helpful, talkative, a good listener. Brody says a whole lot of 'I don't want to's' which is obviously crazy frustrating, but more than anything else it's the whining that gets me wound up. I know they aren't getting the attention they need but the babies take up most of the free time-if it's not them physically, it's washing bottles, laundry, etc.  I just don't know how to react in a healthy way when I am at the end of my rope. The babies are so good, it's really the big kids that are wearing me thin. I get so easily annoyed & frustrated with their 'kid behavior' but they are after all kids. I'm trying my hardest to be calm & easy going but I have my crazy mama moments. Any advice for ways to keep it cool and how to fit it all in? Thanks!!

Finley's HOME!

 

Finley, aka Bits, BAB's, baby B, Trouble, Fin....she had many names throughout my pregnancy, is HOME! She came home last Friday. Luca is still in he NICU because she had to be put back on oxygen as her lungs are not as developed as Finley's. The original plan was for Luca to come home the day before Finley but she just tired out too easily when eating & ended up needing the oxygen to help. 

Some of my nurses at the hospital

Finley is doing quite well at home. We have a feeding plan from lactation services at the hospital for her which entails her breast feeding twice/day & bottle feeding (with pumped breast milk) for the other feedings every 3 hours. She sleeps most of the time when not eating but when awake, she just loves to look around at her outside world...it's so cute! She is sleeping in a pack n play in our room for now. She was in the NICU for 6 weeks & 3 days. Anika & Brody love having Finley home! They love to sit by her & Ani wants to hold her & see her "tiny feet" all the time. 

Luca is doing well at the hospital & is weaning down on her oxygen. She should have weaned off by the end of yesterday so they can try her on room air today. If she does well, she'll probably come home by mid to end of week. If she needs to be put back on oxygen, the doc's will order her home oxygen & she'll come home. She would be on a monitor at home & would need follow up with a Pulmonologist. We are leaving it all in God's hands to lead the way. We have rolled with it all this far & continue to trust in The Lord. Has it been easy to do so, not exactly but we know He has a plan for our family. We can only pray that His plan is for us to bring home 2 healthy babies & that he will guide us along the way.

How old are they really? 38 weeks, 1 day gestational age or 6 weeks, 6 days old, or -2 weeks adjusted age....it's all so confusing. Their original due date (full term @ 40 weeks) is March 8th. That's our go to date for when we can start doing things normally, such as...well I'm not sure what normal means :). When we bottle feed them, we have to hold them at a sitting, angled position & pace them. This way the milk goes into their cheek & they can control the amount they are swallowing so they don't choke. We watch them take about 5-7 gulps & then point the bottle down to remind them to breathe. This decreases their chances for brady's (drop in heart rate) or decelerations (drop in oxygen levels). We watch the color in their faces to make sure they are not in distress. Finley is not on monitors at home so it is especially important to watch her. By their due date we can feed them laying down as you feed most babies. Their development by March 8th should be that of a full term baby. They will likely develop a little bit behind other babies their same age (6 weeks, 6 days) but by age 2 they should be caught up. They will need to follow up with the developmental group that saw them at the hospital for the first 2 years. We will go with their birth age of 6 weeks 6 days when saying how old they are, not their adjusted age or due date. They were born January 7th & that's how we'll track them. 

5 weeks old!

Wow, time flies! Luca & Finley are 5 weeks old today. I can't say that it's gone by fast or easy but were glad we've made it! Our days typically go like this; Luca & Finley-they have "touch times" every 3 hours. We need to be there about 15 minutes before their touch time starts to take their temperature & change their diapers so that their feeding can start at their designated touch time to stay on schedule. Luca's touch time is first, Finley's is 30 min after. Hopefully Finley won't develop a "B" complex-always being second :). They can be held, kangaroo (skin to skin) is best. If we hold one, it has to be for the duration of their feeding & then for 10-15 min after feeding is done so their food can settle a little. They are still gavage fed (tube fed) due to their need for oxygen & still learning to eat & breathe at the same time. Finley started trying to nurse Monday & Luca started today.

Luca left, Finley right

My day- depends on which touch time I go to but I typically go to the 11am one. I get up at 7am (after 1-2 times up in the night to "make food" for the girls), pump, have some coffee, see the big kids & watch the Today show for a bit, shower/get ready, leave for the hospital by 9:30. I get to the hospital (drive takes 35-40 min) & again pump, label & check it in to the NICU, go in to see the girls. Start by taking Luca's temp & change her. If holding her, I change into a hospital gown (open to the front) so I can be skin to skin with her. Her  feeding lasts 30-45 minutes right now, has lasted over an hour & a half in he past. The milk is fortified with a powder to add extra calories to the breast milk, is put in a big syringe & into a machine that pushes it through their feeding tube over a specified amount of time. Then it's Finley's turn. If I'm holding Luca the nurse does temp, diaper & tube feed for Finley. I alternate days for holding each one. If I'm holding Finley that day, I am still able to do temp & diaper on Luca, she just stays in her bassinet for her feeding. We've introduced them both to the breast, called nuzzling to get used to it while they are tube fed. Their oxygen has to be at a low enough level to move to each next step for feeding (nuzzling, nippling, bottle). Breast feeding or nipping as they call it in the NICU-because of their prematurity they aren't really able to stay awake long enough to get enough milk so they have to be tube fed after. After 3 days of trying to breast feed they can be bottle fed the feeding times I'm not there to nurse. The whole process from time I leave the house until time I get home is about 4-4 1/2 hours. Then I go home & nap, up by 5 to get dinner ready, eat, kids to bed, some hang out time & then sleep. I'm going to try to go for 2 touch times in a row starting tomorrow so they can both get breastfed each day. I pump every 3 hours during the day, every 4 hours at night. We've had to buy a deep freezer for all of their food, I am absolutely blessed with an abundance of milk for both babies.

Bryan's day-up & gets ready for work at varying times depending on if it's a gym day or not. If t's a gym day, he gets to the gym around 5am then back home to get ready. He goes to work, comes home, eats dinner with me & the big kiddos, goes to the hospital to see the girls. He goes through the same routine with them for their touch times-minus any nuzzling or nipping :). Then home for a little time with me & then sleep. Repeat. We don't get to go to the hospital together very often :(.

1-10-14

1-11-14

Luca

As of yesterday Luca was on .5 liters of oxygen, very low % of O2, Finley was on 0 liters, 100% O2 which they call "going home oxygen". It sounds like Fin is on more but it's less & is better than what Luca is on. Next step is to start weaning her off all together with Luca shortly behind. Both have hit the 5 pound mark which is so huge! We are hopeful that they won't have to come home on oxygen.

Anika & Brody can't wait to meet them! Brody keeps saying "I so cited for our babies to come home!" It's adorable. He colored them a Hot Wheels picture & asked me to hang it for "our babies" to see. It's hanging in their NICU bay along with Ani's My Little Pony pictures. Anika gets upset when we are at the hospital. She tells me she doesn't want me to go & at night she asks over & over again if daddy is at the hospital. I asked if she's afraid I won't come home & she says yes. It's hard to reassure her that I'll come home it she is happy when I do. They have both been a lot more clingy to me since I came home,but the snuggles are nice. They are hanging in there like champs though!

When do they get to come home? Once they get their breathing & eating is down. Then when they do, they have to remain brady free (no heart decelerations) & no low sat's (decelerations in breathing below certain limit) for 5 days in a row. They also need to pass a car seat test hitch means sitting in a car seat for an hour & a half with no issues as well. We don't have a specific discharge date for either of them yet. They can go home at the same time or different times. We are just so happy with their progress & pray hat they continue on his track. Typically a baby who is doing well as they are would go home between 38-40 weeks gestation or by their original due date. They are 36 weeks, 2 days gestation, original due date is March 8th. Please continue to keep them in your prayers.

1-10-14

1-11-14

Finley

More pictures

Finley

 

Luca

Finley

3 weeks old

Happy 3 week birthday (34 weeks, 2 days gestation) Luca & Finley. It's so nice to say that rather than Bits & Pieces :). They are both doing so well! Since the day they were born, they have both made strides to get home. Since the last update, they both had to be put back on CPAP for added pressure & oxygen but today were taken off CPAP & were put back on high flow nasal cannula. Finley was moved to a bassinet (open little bed) 2 days ago & Luca was moved to a bassinet last night. They are able to be in the same room, side by side now & are able to see & hear each other & for the first time we will be able to see them side by side.

At this point in their gestational age, they need to be learning to nuzzle (being put to the breast to get used to it) & breast feed. They both have been able to nuzzle a couple of times but have not fully been able to try breastfeeding. They both did great with nuzzling & attempted to latch on to nurse. I have been sick for 6 days & have not been able to see them which has been incredibly hard. I have a sinus infection & am no on antibiotics so will be able to go see them tomorrow. Tomorrow we get to attempt breastfeeding which is pretty exciting. The docs & nurses have said that the likelihood of them nursing for all feedings are unlikely (and I won't be at the hospital for each one) but that they may nurse for a few feedings each day. I've been pumping like a cow at home (moo), filling the freezer up with food for the girls so if they have to use bottles to eat, no worries as long as it's breast milk.

Finley is 4lbs, 3oz & Luca is 3lbs, 14oz. (as of last night). We are hoping to bring them home (either together or 1 at a time) within the next month.

Pictures

And finally, lots of pictures...

Last pregnancy picture (morning of
delivery)

 

Luca 

Luca

Finley

Finley

Finley

Happy Birthday

Luca

Happy Birthday Bits & Pieces

Luca Ella (aka Pieces, Baby A) & Finley Vera (aka Bits, Baby B) Tonn were born via scheduled cesarean ssection on January 7, 2014 at 9:47 & 9:48 am. Luca weighed 3lbs, 5.3oz & was 16 inches,  Finley weighed 3lbs, 11oz & 17 inches. Everything went well, they were taken down to the NICU after meeting mommy & daddy.  Bryan went with them to the NICU while I went to recovery. They were put on CPAP (continuous positive airway pressure) & an IV for fluids. My delivery nurse wheeled me in my bed to the NICU after staying in recovery for a while & I was able to see them again for a few minutes. Since I still had my epidural, I had to stay in bed for the remainder of the day. Bryan was able to visit them throughout the day & do some diaper changes.

We stayed in the hospital for 4 nights after delivery. The girls have "touch times" every 3 hours where we check their temp & change their diaper. The nurse checks them out & we can touch them through port holes in their incubators. They are kept warm in these incubators. We (me & the girls in & out of utero wereinpatient together for 7 weeks, 5 days. I discharged home this past Saturday the 11th (our6 year wedding anniversary). My mom is here until Saturday which has been a huge help and we have been able to keep our amazing nanny for a while longer. Grandma has been able to see them daily & has even been able to hold them. Ani & Brody cant visit  in the NICU but they have seen lots of pictures. Anika is having a little bit of a harder time since she can't see them & we still go to the hospital. She & Brody are excited to have me home though.

After a couple days we were able to do kangaroo time (skin to skin) with Luca. Finley had to be put on a ventilator to help with breathing & to be given surfactant which helps her lungs. I don't call her feisty Finley for no reason, after a day or so on the vent, she decided to pull her tubes out & wave them in the air. Apparently she knew something we didn't, like-she didn't need it any more. She was put back on CPAP & stayed on it for a couple days. She was also under lights for slight jaundice. They are now 3 days free of CPAP & IV's, Finley has been off lights for 2 days & both are now on room air with just a little added pressure through a nasal cannula. They are fed through a gavage or ng tube feeding (tube in the mouth down to the stomach). I have an abundant supply of breast milk & they are well fed. Right now they get 22ml feeds every 3 hours plus 2ml of a fortifier. They practice sucking eith their tiny soothies when they are fed through their ng tube to simulate what it will be like when actually getting fed by mouth. Next week we get to attempt breast feeding.

Bryan & I take alternate holding each baby but get to do it twice a day & at the same time. They have now been moved to a different pod within the NICU as they don't need as much undivided care. They are slowly gaining weight from their initial normal baby weight losses but are still tiny @ 3lbs, 3oz (Luca) & 3lbs, 3.67oz (Finley). The estimate length of time they will be here is 6-8 weeks & we're past 1 week now. Please conyinue to keep them in your prayers.  I will post pictures later today.

Less than 2 days to go

Babies are almost here, I can't wait! I had a sono on Friday & girls look great. Even Pieces (baby A) has grown a good amount. She measured at approx 3lbs, 5 oz & Bits (baby B) measured at 3lbs, 14oz. My Perinatologist would like to proceed with delivery Tuesday given Pieces weight tends that have been low even though it seems she is growing better. Also, since they are getting bigger, the risks related to umbilical cord entanglement are still present.

We had a couple eventful moments while on the monitor this past Friday night & Saturday morning but all is fine. Friday night, they kept having decel's in heartrate, so much so that they had to call the doctor. Initially she said to keep me on all night, but they stabilized after 2 1/2 hours so I as able to come off. If they wouldn't have stabilized, I would have likely been taken down to Labor & Delivery for monitoring & to start on magnesium just in case delivery was necessary. I gave Bryan a little scare when I called to let him know what was going on. Doc later said that it was probably due to their size now, it's hard for them to not rub up against or touch the cords since they are right in between them. Same thing on Sat morning only it was shorter, more like an hour & a half. I was also contracting more so they wanted to watch me & the girls. They have been great since which makes mommy happy. I got my 2 rounds (4 total since I've been here) of steroids for their lung development Fri & Sat. 

I go in for delivery at 9:30am Tuesday (c-section) & will stay for 4 nights. I will be 31 weeks, 2 days pregnant. In total I will have been in the hospital for 7 weeks, 5 days by the time I go home. Baring any complications or issues with my health, I'll go home Saturday-on our 6 year wedding anniversary :). My mom flies in on Wed night & I'm excited to spend more time with her & introduce her to her granddaughters. 

Weight loss/gain: 45 pounds, wow! I still have to make myself eat sometimes because it just doesn't feel like there is any room for food. I am supposed to eat 160 grams of protein/day which is crazy hard! 

Maternity clothes: Yes, I basically live in yoga pants & tanks/hoodies. I've had to send home some clothes because they're too small now :).

Symptoms: More discomfort than anything. It's harder to walk around now because I get winded easily & have to sit down & my belly is heavy. I used to walk around he hospital when I first go here but now I just walk a lap around the unit & sit or lay back down. I have to take a lot of bathroom breaks, like every time I stand up. 

Sex (of babies): Girls, girls, girls!

Sleep: With Ambien, pretty good. On my own, not so much. I don't nap as easily these days either, I  can usually sleep for an hour before having to get up to use the bathroom. 

Best moment this week: Last week-finding out that Pieces has grown. This week-just excited to finally meet them.

Movement: Oh yea! They typically move the most when on the monitor. Pieces is starting to be more active lately too, she's even moved up from her usual low laying place.

Food cravings: Bacon, French fries dipped in mayo, cheesy eggs & always peanut butter-lately with apple pieces. 

Belly button in/out: In.

How are the kiddos taking it: Brody has been really clingy to me lately, which is so sweet. He loves to hug & kiss me as well as my belly/the babies. Anika is so excited for them to be born & for me to come home. 

What I miss: Home & my family. But it's been worth it all & I'm in the homestretch!

What I'm looking forward to: Being home with my crew, meeting my girls.

What I'm nervous about: The girls weight, their health, my being able to stay strong having them stay in the NICU when I go home.

30 weeks, 3 days

I saw the Perinatologist yesterday for my routine sono & Pieces (baby A) is still behind in her growth. While she is still gaining, she's not gaining at a high enough rate. She is now in the 4th percentile. Her approximate weight yesterday was 2lbs, 11 oz & Bits (baby B) was approx 3lbs, 9 oz. Everything else looks great, no issues with brain or organ development, just need her to grow better. Between my OB & Perinatologist, they believe delivery would be best as she will grow better & faster out of the womb. Delivery via c-section is set for Tuesday, January 7, 2014 at 9:30am. I will get repeat steroid injections this weekend to help with their lung development as well as magnesium sulfate a few hours before delivery to help decrease any neurological problems like cerebral palsy. I will stay in the hospital for 4 nights after & finally get to go home to my other babies. Bits & Pieces will need to stay in the NICU for a while to continue to grow.  I will be 31 weeks, 2 days on day of delivery & been inpatient in the hospital for 7 weeks, 5 days by the time I go home. We are so thrilled to have gotten this far along in the pregnancy & so thankful for all of the love & support from our family, friends, nurses & my doctors.